Have you ever felt sucked into a negative cycle that feeds on itself? Someone is mean to you and you have a defensive knee-jerk reaction and you are mean back. The anger intensifies on both sides until a circle of misery begins to flow. Each person is sure the other is wrong and they are right. No one is willing to stop the madness and bring healing energy. Often it is these unbroken circles of pain and reactivity that escalate into unspeakable violence; often between family members or friends. It takes unshakable inner strength and a deep commitment to peace to break a circle like this. Breaking these circles of pain is part of the yogi’s path.
In the book The Shack, author William P. Young outlines a beautiful tragic story about the breaking of a circle of pain. In the book, God appears to a man hell-bent on revenge. God says, “Every perpetrator was a victim. How do you think they learned to harm?” But not every victim becomes a perpetrator. Some awaken and break the circle. This is the path of the awakened ones.
In Patanjali’s Yoga Sutras we are told, “We misunderstand our world : things that are NOT themselves, seem to us as if they were”. Patanjali is helping us understand that there is a deep back story behind meanness. A person yelling at you seems to be a jerk who needs to learn some manners. But truly, s/he is a so far out of alignment with God that they are shouting in pain. They are crying out for love. It takes a hugely compassionate and deeply rooted being to “see” beneath the surface of the shouting and respond NOT to the shouting, but to the cry for love. This is how we break the circle.
In Hawaiian Ho’oponopono and other illustrious paths we are reminded that separation is an illusion. The patterns we see that are harming others are also harming us perhaps in more subtle way, but they are alive within us because we are not separate from what we see around us. These shared harmful patterns are not just harming our inner circle, they reverberate through the web that connects all life. So seeing another in pain is a way to recognize pain within ourselves. Seeing greed in others is an opportunity to clean and clear the greed within our own hearts. As MLK Junior said, “No [person] is free until all [people] are free.” So another part of breaking the circle is to see yourself not as separate from someone doing harm, but energetically connected to them. So your response to the people acting out of alignment can either strengthen the cycle of pain or break the cycle of pain. Each time you choose the break the circle, you offer healing to your own future and the web of life.
Choosing non-reactive calming and inclusive responses to acts of harm is the awakened person’s path. This does not mean we don’t interfere when an innocent person is being harmed. We are here in the field of action to act in alignment with our soul to the best of our ability. But when there is a clear choice to either bite back or hold steady and calm, choose the latter. Break the circle of harm.